Day 32: Love does not force you to choose

I just came back from taking an exam for a potential employer. The field that I plan to work in isn’t necessarily involved with writing or creativity. It’s not even online work. It’s work, you know, in the real world.

I’ve thought about getting back into this kind of work for some time.

This past year, I’ve been freelancing mostly as an academic writer for various websites. I wasn’t planning on going back to offline, full time employment for a while (dare I say, EVER?).

But then I tried to consider the experience I might benefit from this current work I’m aspiring to be a part of and, yes, it has its advantages.

My current ‘BE mantra’ is to #BEproductive (check out my nifty IG post above, eh?). This is mainly because I tend to slack off and become passive most days.

The underlying reason as to why I want to be productive is so that I can contribute to my family’s needs.

My main purpose for this season is to help provide for my family.

My mother is and has been a single parent for some time now. I continuously appreciate her effort and I love her all the more for being strong for us.

But sometimes, she decides things for me that I don’t always agree with, such as the course that I took in college.

And although my mother now encourages me to pursue what I want, I can’t just look away from the potential income that I could earn if I pursue this field that she urged me into in the first place.

Career-wise, it was and has always been a game of tug-of-war between what I want versus what my family needs.

I am torn endlessly by my responsibility towards my family because that’s just how Filipino culture is.

They say, “Love yourself first before you can love others.”

But I disagree.

Love doesn’t force you to choose. Love is love.

Choosing others first doesn’t mean you love yourself less and vice versa. Decisions are simply there to direct us towards the kind of future we want to attain, not only for ourselves but also for our loved ones.

I’m a great believer that there is a time for everything.

Yes, I might work full time but it doesn’t mean I can’t make time for the things I love doing, too.

As James Clear said, constraints inspire creativity. Creative souls seek and find art in everything. The more they are restrained, the more their creativity stretches.