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Day 10: I just had to write

Sun, Nov 13, 2016 | Read in 3 minutes

It has been a full month from my last blog post. It takes that kind of time for me to get back to remembering how much I love writing and, essentially, how much I love what I’m doing right now.

I just had to write because…

I am reading James Altucher’s Choose Yourself

But before I did, a few moments ago, my heart was in a rage. I was so flustered to the point of seriously blowing up because of a few simple events that happened previously that upset me. I couldn’t think straight so I subconsciously looked over my downloaded files and, under the “Creative” folder, I found the Choose Yourself ebook at the top of the list (which was alphabetically sorted).

And who would’ve thought it would lead me to go out at 9pm to the nearest convenience store that sold the chocolates that I liked after reading about how Mr. Altucher handed out chocolates one morning in Wall Street?

No one would’ve guessed. Although, for the most part, the chocolates saved my mood (and my blood pressure) tonight. Perhaps such is life—a series of events that seem to happen sporadically and spontaneously but apparently always has a purpose.

I couldn’t take another day of procrastination

Zombie mode is the right term for me these past few days. I couldn’t get myself to commit to new writing orders because I’m afraid I wouldn’t be able to concentrate enough to finish the work. I want to commit, but I don’t want to be irresponsible about my work. I’d rather not earn than not be able to commit. I love it that much and, of course, there’s also that little rule from my employer that fines me when I can’t submit an order so…(😅)

You get the point about “Zombie mode”, though, right?

Zombies are popular for lacking all signs of life but they are alive (in the “living dead” kind of way), they just don’t look the part (of being alive and—you know—vibrant?). Anyhow, that was the definition of me lately. I kept procrastinating because of it. I felt lifeless and just plain bored. I couldn’t find a way to get out of that boredom and just do the work… at the time.

I want to reach out

I do want to. I’m not yet done with reading Choose Yourself, but I am at that part about rejections. It occurred to me that I could only count with my fingers the few times I felt rejected not because I was perfect, but because I never tried. And this blog is me trying. This blog is me, showing the Internet passers-by that I acknowledge them and yet my fear of rejection cannot stop me from writing what I feel can help somebody, if not myself.