I have Amanda Frances’ podcast in the background.
And this is not a blog post about her. But that is the context by which I’m writing this blog.
You might think. Oh, wow. Writing and podcast listening at the same time. That is THE life!
But then, my kid cries furiously, demanding my attention.
And I unconsciously tend towards asking her hot-headedly, WHAAAT??! (Like, What do you want now?)
So that is NOT THE life at all.
That is so fucking horrible to watch. You know. Parents who lose their temper with their kids. But no matter your opinion on it, I can still empathize with these parents. I didn’t use to but I do now because I am one.
And I am part of the Hot-headed Parents Club.
It’s a club where parents come to convene and confess how guilty they feel all the time for shouting, for yelling, basically for just being a human going through a struggling time with another human (albeit little human) being.
Patience. It’s such a hard word to swallow.
Definitely not something I would describe myself now. But everyday, I still want to believe it. Everyday, I have the intention of being a patient person.
But it doesn’t happen everyday. Everyday changes.
And so I do it again the next day and the next and the one after that.
Because THAT is what life is. It’s repeatedly believing.
Even if you’re not always BEING the person you intend or want to be, it bears repeating the same belief and actions again tomorrow.
It’s just like that story about the guy digging for gold. Don’t stop when you’re just a centimeter away from the treasure.
Brianna Wiest also says, “Bad behaviours peak right before they go away.”
So I don’t have a lot to say, really, about patience. And my actions aren’t really a prime example of someone who is ALWAYS patient. But everyday, I give my best to be as patient as I can be. There are times when I unconsciously snap but that’s because I haven’t been present enough.
When you’re not present, you’re not mindful of your actions. You’re not fully aware of the situation. You’re letting the feelings take over. And that’s when you snap. That’s when you forget your intentions and start to become impatient.
Feelings are what they are but they are not great leaders. They are great indicators but they shouldn’t be the reason why you do something (good or otherwise). The word reason itself relates to the mind, not emotions or feelings.
Give yourself a reason why you feel something and why there’s a need to shout or yell. But also remember to be kind to yourself when you make mistakes. Beating yourself up doesn’t help but learning and NOT repeating the same mistake is exactly how we can solve problems.
So patience, where is she? Where is patience?
She’s in you. She’s waiting for the most challenging times to make you remember that she’s still there.
She won’t go away soon and it’s not because she’s stubborn. It’s because she has the faith of someone who can move mountains. And this faith that she has? It applies to you. Her faith is in you. She believes you can do it. So you gotta give her back that favor, dude. Show her you’re worthy of her and you’ll never have to belong to the Hot-headed Parents Club again. (Until, of course, the next child arrives.)