Mornings used to be my hardest part of the day. I would wake up and feel a cloud glooming over me. It was as if the immediate feeling of emptiness was all over the day even before it started. It’s a pretty _heavy_ way to spend your morning. But I realized I had to change. One morning, I woke up earlier than usual and I began a journal:
Friday, August 5, 2016
How do you spend your mornings? I don’t. Why, you ask? Because I used to not wake up until noon. Yes, I let half of the day pass by in my dreams.
I consider myself a night owl and I’ve become sort of defensive when somebody tells me I’m always late.
“Not all people are the same,” I always say.
Right now the time is still 9:47 AM. I woke up almost 8:00 AM. Right now I’ve realized that my “Not all people are the same” line is a lame excuse for not waking up early (or at least at the right time in the morning).
Waking up in the morning enables you to achieve more throughout the day and to just generally feel like you’ve spent your life well. Honestly, “half-day” days are a great way to waste your life. You don’t deserve that—not even if you’re a “night owl.”
And I did.
I did ever so gently and ever so slowly. I wasn’t the only one who knew of my bad sleeping habits. There were others around me, too. Even my employers noticed. Everyone thought it was wrong except me.
See, the “I grew up this way and that way” and “I’m just helpless” and “I can’t change myself for other people” excuses are overrated. Yes, they fucking are (sorry not sorry for my French).
Yes, I may have had a less than ideal childhood/ adolescence. Yes, I was not raised like other kids in my time. Yes, I couldn’t and still wouldn’t change for other people.
But I am not changing for them.
I’m changing for myself because, of all the people in the world who know me, _I_ should be the person who knows myself the most. I have known it’s not good for me for years. It leads to several negative outcomes. It eats away at my energy. Overall, it doesn’t make me happy. So why keep doing it?
I stopped waking up late and not enjoying my mornings.
Of course, it takes more than simply the decision to stop. Sometimes, it takes a change in your environment, including the people you see everyday. Delve deep into the factors of why things are the way with you. You’ll be able to understand why you’re acting in a certain way once you evaluate beyond yourself.
A while ago today, my schedule was set to work on my freelance work. I looked at my laptop and I realized I had to set my priorities straight. Yesternight, while scheduling the goals for today, I prioritized my freelance work. But oftentimes, in the morning when everything is fresh and your mind is the freshest it can be, you acknowledge what the most important things are as if they were second nature to you.
So I wrote on my Notes (ahem, this blog) because I knew I couldn’t just keep forgetting. I need to put this near the top of my priority list (work-wise) if I wanted to continue this for 360 more days. 🙂
When I woke up today, sure, I was feeling groggy and irritable again. But a few moments into the day and I was already trying to think consciously. I remembered to be thankful and to let go of the things I can’t control.
It’s important not to forget to be thankful for everything–your life and health, your family and friends, the food, shelter, and clothes.
It seems superficial to be thankful for the physical things you have but it’s not. Somewhere else in the world, someone does not have the basic needs in life. In some corner of this earth, there’s someone who is fighting to survive.
It’s important not to forget to let go of what you can’t control–the outcome of your work, the reaction of the people you interact with, the thoughts that pass by your mind during idle moments, the temptation to be envious of the people who you think are better than you.
You can’t control these things. Let them go before they control you. Acknowledge all of them and yet don’t get into them. Don’t forget that life is more than controlling everything as much as you can. If anything, Elsa was right. Let. It. Go.