Let's Talk About Feelings and What Happened in April

My mother has arrived from the UAE. She works in the UAE and comes home about once a year for 15-30 days. It has been this way for probably 10 years now.

When loved ones work far away from us, we tend to want to savor every moment that they are around when they are around. But what about those times when we forget this and it seems like we start taking these moments for granted?

Now, I am not saying this as my “excuse” for slacking off with my goals. I am saying (/writing) this because there is a reason for everything that happens in our human lives.

We can’t always control and take over every aspect of our lives. There would be no excitement or thrill if we predicted and knew everything that was going to happen. Sometimes, a little mystery, a couple of mistakes, and a dash of stress is all we need to ensure this life keeps us on our toes. We can’t afford to be passive.

And yet, that is exactly what I have been feeling about myself for so many years. I was passive. I could not decide on my own. Nor could I take the reigns of my life and direct it towards my goals. I needed someone to tell me what I was going to achieve even though I knew I wanted different things.

Such is the predicament of the opposite of a Type A person. Some might say Type B people are lazy. I would argue that that is not far from the truth. I am quite lazy until I find my motivation.

Maybe it was because of the circumstances I was raised in–struggling to find stability amidst the incessant lack of resources and the fears of not being loved and not knowing how to love.

Regardless of the reason, I must admit of my awareness that I tend to have the mindset of someone who is Type B. There is lesser stress for me. But there is also a consistent desire to want something more than passivity.

And so it is that in the beginning of this year, 2019, I promised myself to focus on Coding, Writing, and Yoga. These are the three areas I aimed to find progress in.

But during the month of April, my mom arrived. She’s still here now and I am just trying to squeeze in the time in between my child’s nap and my mother’s household chores to write this update. Because, if anything, writing has always done me good and there is always a time for it if I really wanted to.

Without further ado…

Coding

The 3rd-4th week of April saw me taking a pause both on learning to be a full stack developer (via freeCodeCamp.org) and posting everyday on Instagram. I stopped somewhere at Basic Algorithms in JavaScript.

Writing

Writing is much easier to accomplish when I have tiny goals like posting twice a month. Although, during my free time, I also journal and try to write rough drafts on my notes app. My writing schedule has been fairly on point thus far.

Yoga

If I had to estimate, I might have practiced yoga a total of four times in April. That’s still good for me. Some practice is better than none at all.

Conclusion

I went on a slight tangent here to write something a little different for my updates. I usually just post a short intro before I focus and delve into the main stuff. But today, I find that connecting with people starts with the introductions.

For some, it might be enough to churn out content about facts, figures, and expertise. But that never felt right for me. I guess that’s why I always try to find myself in my writing. And perhaps it’s also the reason why I am more comfortable writing (and reading) about feelings.

We often roll eyes when people start talking about feelings. But, inevitably, everybody has them. Ignoring your feelings won’t make them go away. It will just postpone them to a later date and, sometimes, even aggravate them the more you wait.

But feeling them and knowing you will be okay with them–knowing you are not your feelings–that’s how they “go away”. I guess, if anything, what I am really trying to control is not the situation or the “going after what I love” but the feelings that surround each and every moment of my days. I can’t ignore them forever. I also can’t let them take over. Like anything possibly related with humans, they just want to be acknowledged and understood. :)