Let’s not be boring and think for a second that we are masters of– let’s just say– everything. All that we do results to brilliant things that will merit us fame, fortune and some really good time. We meet and mingle. We connive and connect. We create posses and command as we wish. Nobody would question us. Our wisdom is as good as our experience and experience, as they say, is the best teacher.
I walked along everyday, in every street I could imagine, thinking I’ve had enough experience to fill a novel or make the most heartless person shed a tear. When I was younger, drama was inevitably a daily affair. I wrote so many times about so many stories that I dreamed would be published so the world could see what a sad kid I was. But the first truth is that the world can live by without even reading my writings, and the second is that there are more sad kids around the world with broken families like me. Still, I believed in what I called was “experience.” It separated me from the other kids. I thought I was really special because I suffered more than they did and, therefore, I was wiser and mature. I wasn’t proud of my situation but I was proud of myself. I brought myself up like a heroine in some fancy story.
Later on, when I thought I’ve already experienced the worst, another dilemma which was heavier than the last tagged along like I was cursed to never stay happy for at least five hundred more years. But I went through it all and, along the way, I recognized how much I still wanted to be like those other kids who played when they wanted to and bought things they really didn’t need. I didn’t want to be the heroine of a fairy tale anymore, I just wanted to have the kind of fun the others had.
The other kids seemed to have more experience. They had more stories and the stories were more interesting. They weren’t sad. They weren’t looking for someone to sympathize. They just entertained and for the inexperienced girl that I was, I became mesmerized. In fact, I believed that I wouldn’t have a full life if I didn’t go through what everyone else seemed to be going through. From socializing and relationships to binge drinking and road trips, I wanted to have a little of everything. Life should be lived to the fullest, after all.
Not so suddenly, I met someone who seemed to have accomplished all the tasks in my “Live life to the fullest” to-do list. That person didn’t have any problems with confidence or guts and blended in an environment like a chameleon. I admired that person. I couldn’t help comparing my lack of sense of direction to that person’s readiness for battle. I couldn’t help seeing the contrast between my clumsiness and that person’s precision. Eventually, I lost my self in the process of idolizing someone I barely knew. I couldn’t answer the question of who I was against who I wanted to be. It was both daunting and depressing.
We tend to lose our grip because we regret over things like not having enough experience. But then experience is like a highway that has so many lanes you could follow. You can’t go back and try the next lane; you can only stick to one. We might as well stop regretting and start looking forward to how much more we could accomplish. There’s only one road in life that we are going through. We can’t just shift to rear and rewind everything so we could follow another path. Our experience is our experience and no one else’s. “Inexperience” might just be a term designed by people who aren’t satisfied with what they’ve gone through. There’s a lot that can be done with dissatisfaction; one could perhaps use it to transform one’s life into a happier version of yesterday.
I guess, one day, I just found myself accepting myself. I recognized who I was and what I’ve been through. Everyday indeed is a chance to renew oneself; an opportunity to take the “in” out of “inexperience.” Be in the moment and learn to seize the day with just a smile. For the “inexperienced”, change might seem impossible. But then it’s just a matter of thought, action and consistency. We will never be fully satisfied as human beings. We will never be able to experience and master everything. But we are able to appreciate ourselves. We are capable of pride for our own personal histories. We have gone through the road that molded our personality. We are what experience made us.