In the last part of this week, I have been a bit (let’s be honest, a lot) bothered by my thoughts about a particular person close to me.
It bothered me that he judges others so immediately and emphatically and self-righteously, like the only way to do things is the way he was brought up to do things.
And I had to use all the learning and emotional intelligence and awareness I had patiently tried to learn myself to stop myself from judging him, too.
Obviously, I failed because I was triggered about it.
But do you really fail if you get triggered?
Or do you ACTUALLY fail when you do something negative in response?
I feel like the latter is more agreeable.
Being bothered or triggered by something is simply feedback, as one of my mentors, Jessica Pinili, would say.
And therefore, if it’s simply feedback, then what do you do with feedback? How do you respond and not react? Is there always a need to respond?
Why you get to release judgement
This incident made me want to talk about releasing judgement.
Yes, I simply went quiet and listened to what I was thinking about another and pondered why I was thinking this way. And yes, I was being judgemental, too.
I know it’s sometimes hard to admit, but we do judge people based on different critera that we think ought to be the standards of living.
And sometimes, we fail to acknowledge that we’re all different and it is safe to be who we are.
It is during these times that we need to shift our thoughts the most. It’s not like changing who you are nor changing the situation.
But releasing it. Releasing the judgement. Releasing the assumptions. Releasing the expectations. Releasing the need to be offended.
In doing so, you are able to open up and hold space for others and yourself to be, express, feel.
You are able to TAKE IN healing, patience, perseverance, determination, openness, receiving, generosity, and trust.
You begin to set your own standards and boundaries. You are able to see which and what kind of energy serves you or otherwise.
You also begin to believe that being positive, if that is you naturally, is safe. It’s not just about being positive no matter what. A quote I resonated with this week is this:
“If you don’t accept failure as a possibility, you don’t set high goals, you don’t branch out, you don’t try—you don’t take the risk.”
You get to see both sides of the story. You get to acknowledge dualities and spectrums and gray areas.
Moment by moment, little by little, you become more aware of the very judgements you also demonstrate towards others. I did, too.
I realized that I was indeed bothered by the very same qualities I also had.
Most of us are mirrors of each other.
And in our similarity as humans, we create space to empathize and observe others and, particularly ourselves, more.
It doesn’t have to be hard. You don’t have to default to judgement all the time. And if you do, that’s okay. You get to shift. You get to uncover the different layers of emotional trauma of both you and the other person and, at the very core, you will find a child, longing for love and understanding. That’s all we really are, children acting big in a world that expects us to be big.
And you get to know that more about yourself and others because you finally understand and you’re finally ready to listen.