2020 is the year I both created and stopped creating content.
The more that I think about it, though, the more it makes sense to me.
Most of the things that happened in my life this year were and are the exact things I intended to do.
Maybe life isn’t just letting it happen to you.
Maybe we do have a choice each day, each moment,
Maybe we can achieve what we want, just not at the same time.
I haven’t been posting anything for some time.
I’ve been putting myself down, totally forgetting all the things I learned to do to avoid rolling back into that depressive black hole.
I went back into that hole, feeling crap and forgetting workouts, barely meditating or journaling. I replaced all that with consuming content and consuming more content in the hopes of one day elevating my energy so I could get back on the bandwagon again.
Needless to say, overconsumption does not work. Nothing beats action, if only the tiniest bit.
And that’s all really fine.
Sometimes, you have to forgive yourself over and over in order to begin again over and over. What is life, after all, without repetition?
Even on days when you can’t find the energy, the courage, the hope to do anything, maybe take that first step of pulling yourself up to from the ground?
Even if you can’t pull yourself into completely feeling better, you can still lean into action. Do what’s on your list that you’ve been meaning to do for so long. Maybe write that Instagram caption like it’s the first time. Use that photo even though it isn’t perfect. Real life is so much better than curating an image that isn’t really who you are anyway.
No matter if you’ve been doing well at work towards your dreams or otherwise (or somewhere in between), know that you are still so capable. And when the time comes that even that thought doesn’t cut it, know that you’re still breathing and you have this moment to breathe and take it from here.